Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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