Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
