I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize