Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
