i would punch a child for taco bell
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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