I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
