Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
