we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
