I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
