so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I want to be your penis for a week.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
