i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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