You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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