Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
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So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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