u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
