try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
