Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
