i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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