stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
