i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
