Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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