how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dicks are not precious.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
