Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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