He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
