So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
