My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
