From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
