My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
