Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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