i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
