I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
