you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
this just has baby written all over it
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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