Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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