He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
