Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
