I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
