watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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