i always forget guys have bellybuttons
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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