im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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