Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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