i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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