Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
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I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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