the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Fuck me I smell like cheese
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
