so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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