I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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