im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
