Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
