You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
