i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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