If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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