dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
