listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
