Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
