I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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