I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
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If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
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you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.