Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds