so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."