The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
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I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.