there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.