Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.