New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize