She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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