She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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