I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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