I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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