He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
