i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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