I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
