You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
