Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
